Annotate the script

Before we wrap up I’d like to thank you guys for filling out theses volunteer evaluation cards. I found your feedback to be largely constructive and flattering. So graçious on that.

De ñada.

You don’t have to sign your name anymore.

Got it.

But there was one evaluation that was so harsh and hurtful and racist I took the time personally to analyze that handwriting against past exams. And this particular coward...

Ooh. Nice day out today, isn't it?

Yeah, shoot.

You forget something?

Yeah, I forgot to stagger the timing of my exit with Shirley's. We both have a class across campus and I can't go that kind of distance with "Oh, that's nice."

That's mean.

No, that's not nice.

I find Shirley very easy to talk to. Besides, aren't you supposed to have like an Olympic gold medal in jibber jabber?

Yeah, but I'm a sprinter. I'm at my best during high speed bursts of wit. On a Shirley walk, I'd be winded by that stoner tree.

Hey, Britta. Hi. What's up?

Hey, Vaughn, how's it going?

No worries.

Interesting. Because I might be worried if I was playing hacky sack a decade too late.

My class is that way.

All right. I just want to point out that we easily walked more than a hundred yards with no awkward pauses. And that is the sign of a true friend.

So I'm really glad you're not hitting on me anymore.

There's the awkward pause.

Aah! Excuse me. Oh, pardon me. Professor Duncan. Professor Duncan. Uh, ooh, sorry. Annie Edison, I'm in your 101 lecture.

Oh. Hello.

I've heard about your special psych lab.

The Duncan Principle.

Yes. And I know it's limited to second year students, but I had a 4.0 at Riverside High. And I'm not looking down on this school at all. But I'm only here because of a brief addiction to pills that I was told would help me focus but they actually made me lose my scholarship and virginity.

Right.

If you will let me take your lab early, it would be a real feather in my transcript.

Okay. I've actually been in this situation many times, so I'm just gonna be upfront. I'm not allowed to date students.

Oh.

But if in spite of that you are still interested, then you may join the lab.

Oh! Ah.

Okay, you need to bring two human subjects...and it would not hurt your chances a bit if you can lend me a fiver. I seem to have left my purse in my duffle and my duffle at the boot of my lorry so...

Oh!

I asked politely and the panda took his pants off.

I never even knew that's what asexual meant.

I wonder what this express package could be. Somebody had to get something to me very fast.

You brought your mail to campus.

Oh, yes. My Ear-Noculars.

What is that? It looks like your blue-tooth thingy.

No, no, no. This is my cell phone headset. And this is Ear-Noculars. It's for spies and what-not. Gives you sonic hearing.

All hearing is sonic.

What's that?

So who wants to be in a psych experiment?

Hey, guys, guys. Annie is talking about some kind of experiment.

She's behind you. Not interested.

Please. You get paid.

Do they do stuff to your butt?

No.

Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?

No.

It's fine, I'll do it, I'm in.

Yay! How about you, Abed? It's tomorrow.

Oof. Tomorrow, they're showing all four Indiana Joneses at The Vista. I'm really looking forward to the first three. I bought a whip.

This is really important to me, Abed. Could you please go as my friend? My really good friend?

Well, I didn't realize we were really good friends. I figured we were really more like Chandler and Phoebe. They never really had stories together. Sure, I'll do it, Chandler.

Oh, thank you, Abed!

Oh. I'm gonna go save Britta from that dude.

Yeah, she looks like she's in trouble. Hope he doesn't try to handsome her to death. Ha-ha.

Hey.

What's up, man? Hi, I'm Vaughn.

You in line?

Oh, no, no. We're just, uh We're just chilling. Hey, you're not gonna order coffee?

Oh, no, I was just seeing if Britta...

No judgment, bro. I used to do coffee. Then I made the switch to green tea, it's like filled with these antioxidants and stuff. It's pretty tight.

Tight.

Yes, I've heard that about green tea. I like green tea. I should make the change.

Up top, sugar bear.

Yeah, give me some of that.

Small coffee, please.

Britta's making the change to green tea.

Oh! Green tea is good.

It's great for your skin.

Welcome, research assistants. Turn your attention to the monitor, you will see that our subjects are waiting for the experiment to begin. But it's actually happening right now. You see, the waiting is the experiment. The Duncan Principle is simple. Namely, the more control lost by...Yeah, I'm gonna write this down too, actually. That's a good point. The more control lost by the ego, the more gained by the Id resulting in a surprisingly predictable, emotional eruption or breaking point. Known to Ma and Pa as a good old-fashioned tantrum. Oh, Annie. Why don't you, uh, go and tell our subjects that we're gonna be starting the experiment in five minutes, okay? And, Annie, it's never actually going to start.

Hi, everyone. Hi, Troy. Hi, Abed. Hi, Señor Chang.

What, a community college Spanish teacher can't use 80 bucks?

Well, we're just running a little bit behind, so we'll probably start in five minutes.

No, no, no! No, no, no! Unacceptable! When you say something starts at 9, it starts at nueve!

And we're off.

Did you know we walk the same way after class? I'm sure you didn't or else we would've been walking together, unless you're a jerk, hmm, just kidding.

Heh-heh. Let's do it.

Mm-hm. Don't go too fast for these dogs. Short legs. Do you like Green...?

You got a kid right...?

What's that?

Nothing.

So Pierce isn't exactly right in the head, is he?

I know a lot of grown men with radar dishes coming out of their ears.

He's like Inspector Gadget.

Yeah, go go gadget incontinence.

How about that guy that's always around flirting with Britta?

No, no, no. Annie. What is going on in there? I wasted all day here for you! The Soul Train Awards were tonight! You promised!

And he's out. We got him. Strike three you're gone.

There is so much dust in here!

You know what? The longer they wait, the harder they break. Buckle up, students. Heh.

See how often Hacky Sack takes his shirt off? He'd play shirts and skins in a game of checkers.

I'm so glad to be able to talk to someone about this. I wanted to say something to Britta about it. But we're supposed to be friends now, she'd think I was jealous.

You broke my trust. You suck.

I know and I'm sorry. But I was in a tough position. I couldn't handle just being one of the girls.

Is there a spot on the friendship spectrum between total stranger and having to hear about the guys you date? And, ideally, just a notch underneath driving you to the airport and painting your kitchen.

How about the friend level where you sometimes have to cat sit?

Done. And if I'm occasionally naked in your dreams, I won't complain.

Uh some worries, man Some worries.

Shirley would've said something funny about that guy.

Oh, no.

Pierce, Pierce, give me your ear thing.

He must've heard us call him Inspector Gadget.

I'm Dr.Doogie Seacrest. I think I'm better than everyone else because I'm 40.

I'm not 40. I can hear you through the window, morons.

Just pretend like you asleep. Just pretend like you were sleeping.